Men are supposed to have body hair. This is a fact. People, mostly women, who argue otherwise are just wrong. You will see from the graph I copied from a very scholarly and scientific journal that the amount of body hair a man has directly correlates with his amount of manliness, up until his amount of body hair pushes him past the Sasquatch line, in which case he is inevitably more Sasquatch (and therefore, most likely difficult to photograph without appearing blurry) than he is man:
As you might assume from my staunch believing in the male body hair, I have a sufficient amount. On the graph, I would put myself around here:
I do believe, that a certain amount of kemptliness is necessary, though, based on my experiences with women, in the following places:
1. “Down There”
2. Chest Hair
3. Toe/Foot Hair
4. Armpit Hair (if necessary…you will know it is necessary if with your arms completely at your sides the hair is still visible).
(Note missing from the list is back hair. Apparently, any back hair is a negative)
It was during a recent trimming of my chest hair, that I discovered I possess super human abilities. The majority of my chest hair is normal, moderate length, but upon combing through it (not actually combing, it isn’t that thick), just below my left nipple, I found what I have dubbed “the super chest hair”. A single hair, over 4 times the length of a normal chest hair, had sprouted and made home. Attached is what I would like to introduce as evidence 1:
This “super chest hair” is just further proof, along with my left-handedness, that I am, in deed, an X-men.