Well, don’t, actually. That was the name I went by for Halloween one year, when I tried to grow my beard out and after a month, I still had to smear mascara into the hairs because they were long but sparse.
The reason for this confession is so that you can better understand the sacrifice of dignity I’m making in preparation for this month: Mustache March.
Having heard of Octobeard before, I was somewhat familiar with the idea of facial hair-themed months, but I was unaware that it was such a phenomenon. And according to several people who posted on my company forum, Mustache March is just the beginning. Aside from the aforementioned Octobeard, there’s Neckbeard November, Fu Man-June, and at least eight other options, all of which need only either rhyme, alliterate or fit together into one word to be considered valid.
So, I’ve begun the growth period, and I invite all who read this to join me. If I’m willing to undergo countless jibes, jeers, and laughs in the face to stand up for the principle of Mustache March, then you should too. Whether it be for a greater moral good, or if it’s just for fun, draw comfort from my strength. And just know, whenever you are feeling down, that somewhere out there is a man with a mustache that looks not like a mustache, but just a dirty face.
