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Misusing Big Words

Misusing Big Words

Month: January 2008

Colorful Commentary

Posted on January 4, 2008

Did you ever notice how colors evolve? I’m not talking about identity crises like orange getting a shade lighter and suddenly calling itself “Burnt Sienna.” I’m talking about an evolution of meaning, a whole paradigm shift in how we interpret colors.

Now, I’m no expert (not on colors, anyway), so I don’t want to get into the whole interior decorating/design aspect, where all the sudden we have a bushy-haired woman in reading glasses on a string around her neck standing in our living telling us not to paint the wall red because it’s too “emotionally charged” next to the “traditional peacefulness” of the olive-green couch.

No no no no no. What I’m talking about is perception; more accurately, auditory perception of colors. What comes to mind when something is described as pink? How should you feel if someone calls you blue, or yellow? Why isn’t it easy being green?

In fact, let’s start with that: green. I remember a time when I was a kid when green was grass, woods, soccer pitches, baseball infields and outfields. Then I grew up and experienced my first election as someone who actually understood not necessarily the specifics but at least what an election was and what it meant to win, and all of the sudden green became a joke. If Ross Perot was our third choice for people to be in charge of the country, and Ralph Nader and the Green Party was behind him, then how could green not become synonymous with jest?

Then four years later, there it was again. Only this time, Nader was third place and green was getting a little more serious.

2007, though, was a big year in the evolution of green. It really stepped up its act this year, making appearances on all kinds of TV shows and networks, getting buddy-buddy with Al Gore, which would not have been cool except for the amazing concert he put on in summer with hundreds of awesome bands all over the world. Yeah, green has really improved its image this year. It’s gotten hip, trendy, the couleur du jour, if you will. And all this simply because green is associated with saving the earth.

Well, I’ve never been a great fan of green. I think it’s greedy, it’s envious, it’s even kind of shallow sometimes. And that’s why I think blue is getting a bum rap.

Think about it. The earth’s surface is made up of about 70% water. So, if you were to look at a topographic map of the world, more than two thirds of it would be blue. You see what I mean about green stealing blue’s thunder? Blue should be enjoying some time in the limelight, shmoozing with rock stars, hanging with Gore, the poster child for “Saving the Planet.” Blue should not have to deal with this tired old stigma of blue meaning sad and depressed.

Blue is happening, blue is alive, and blue is ready to bust out onto the world’s stage. Except green is in the way, like a conniving little brother who always asks for help with school projects and then takes all of the credit for them.

Green. What a jerk.

5 Things I’d Like to See in 2008

Posted on January 4, 2008

1. Jean-Claude Van Damme/Steven Seagal Comeback Film. Bonus points if they are in the same movie and must team up to stop some heinous crime. Or better yet, the two are serendipitously linked as Steven Seagal must save his kidnapped daughter on ship that is being actively targeted by terrorists that Van Damme is hired to stop. Double bonus points if in some way, shape, or form Wesley Snipes is one of the bad guys.

2. New 2Pac Album. Its been a year or two since he has put anything new out. I know he is “dead”, but that hasn’t stopped him before.

3. Declined Friendship Notification on Facebook. A lot of people ask me to be friends with them on Facebook, but I don’t always want to be their friend. Sometimes, it’s because I don’t know them, other times it’s BECAUSE I know them that I am just not interested. In either case, unless they actively look on their friend list for me, and see me not there, they could think I have added them. I wouldn’t want to then run into them, and have them think we are friends when, in actuality, we are not. They should know. Facebook notifies you about everything else. Why not this?

4. My sweating problem to go away. There are a number of things that cause this. Perhaps the extra weight I have been carrying lately, perhaps I suffer from hyperhydrosis. All I know is that even Gillette Clinical Strength Anti-Perspirant isn’t working and I would like to be able to wear dress shirts again. Something must be done.

5. Jennifer Love Hewitt Nude Photos. I know recently these photos surfaced…but I don’t care. I dedicated too much of my teenage quality time to this woman to give up on hope now. Of course, now that the tabloids are covering her, again, she probably doesn’t need the exposure (get it….chuckle, chuckle) but if she can fade into oblivion just enough from a Ghost Whisperer cancellation, we could get the perfect storm of desperation that we finally see it happen.

( A close six…Misusing Big Words to blow-up and be huge. Call me a dreamer, but I think the world deserves it.)

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Symmetry, Shymmetry

Posted on January 4, 2008June 6, 2026

What is beauty?

Science has deemed beauty to lie in symmetry. They say humans, from the time we are born, are attracted to images that are symmetrical. Some even say that symmetry and physical attractiveness are linked.

While symmetry does hold beauty geometrically, I dare to disagree it filters into our perspective of physical beauty when selecting a mate. There must be powers overriding symmetry that makes someone beautiful. Character traits are a good place to start. I mean, I know I would prefer a sweet semi-symmetrical boyfriend over a selfish and self-absorbed super symmetrical boyfriend.

But super symmetrical or not, I think beauty does not or should not be a determining factor when selecting a mate. Besides, symmetry is kinda scary.

Flying Low at the Circus

Posted on January 4, 2008

Still piled behind the world’s tallest midget, the hay sits unattended. It’s waiting to be moved to the ball-balancing elephant’s ring, but I haven’t got to it yet. Nobody fed Bernard last night, so I had to attend to him first or the lion tight rope walk would be missing its lion. The kids would be disappointed. Bernard is incredible. The aerial acrobats and the sword swallower both have colds, so I’ve been passing them hot tea all day. A show without them is barely a show at all. Once I’ve finished, though, I’ll prep Daredevil Dan’s bike for the helicopter jump finale. I’d like to try it some day, if I ever have the courage. I don’t know how he does it. I love it here, but sometimes, surrounded by all these people who do amazing things, sometimes I feel ordinary. Ordinary has no value.

First Thoughts for 2008

Posted on January 3, 2008

Are Not Very Resolutional

There are some things that need to be left alone. A scab, a carton of spoiled buttermilk, a broken heart, or perhaps an old boyfriend. But some of the previously mentioned can be cured with a little bit of distance and time and maybe even by just leaving it alone for good.

Now if I could only stop picking at this scab…

Thoughts for 2008

Posted on January 2, 2008

Have you ever pondered to yourself:

“I’m so fascinating that someone should write a biography of me. Since no one has, I’ll just do it myself. It’s better this way–I don’t have to share any royalties.”

You haven’t?

Oh.

I guess I’m the only one.

Well, happy new year anyway.

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