There are a lot of undesirable jobs out there. Genital herpes spokesperson. Adult peep show jiz mopper. Poop Lab Technician. Maybe less grotesque, but also joining these embarassments in the doldrums of career aspirations is Pizza Delivery Guy. Definitely not at the top of the list of undesireables, it’s up there.
I feel few people complete their career aptitude test hoping it returns pizza delivery guy/girl, and I doubt many people major in home delivery at college. I could be wrong, though.
And actually, I kind of hope I am.
Because if you think about it, there are quite a lot of benefits to holding a career in the italian culinary delivery industry. This list is by no means comprehensive, but this is what I could come up with:
1. Your car always smells phenomenal. I am not a pizza delivery guy, and as such, my car does not always smell phenomenal. After going to the gym, it often smells like BO. Most other times it smells like farts, because, well, you know… Perhaps some of its few high moments are after I get take-out and have to transport it home. The next day, I am often treated to the residual smells that smell great. As a pizza delivery guy, your car always smells like that. If you can get them into your car…the women won’t be able to resist.
2. You work for a Fortune 500 company. This is about 90% true. If you work for one of the chains (Pizza Hut, Dominos, Papa Johns), then you’ve got a pretty impressive company to drop on your resume. Some creative wording on the title “Pizza Delivery Guy”, maybe “Human Resources – Sustenance Provider” and you are good to go.
3. People always welcome you at your door. Nobody ever pretends they aren’t home when you ring the door bell. You aren’t a Jehovah’s Witness. People welcome you with open arms. They want you. They need you. That has got to feel pretty good.
4. Free Auto Accessories. People spend thousands of dollars pimping out their cars with lights and accessories. You get to do this for free with your clamp on window sign. Not only does it pimp out your car, every girl that sees you, instantly gets your phone number. Imagine the possibilities….especially when you combine that fact, with point #1. Pizza isn’t the only thing you will be delivering home, if you know what I mean…
If things don’t work out for me in advertising. I know where I am headed…