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Misusing Big Words

Misusing Big Words

“Can” you go wrong with canned meats?

Posted on February 27, 2008 By [email protected]

I don’t think you “can”. Or, at least, I didn’t so. Until now.

First, though, let’s tout the good qualities.

Vienna Sausage. Corned beef (hash). And perhaps the holy grail of canned meat, Spam. There’s not a swear word among them. Nothing but salty, succulent delicious words. And yes, I know the heavily-covered Spam pundits out there will be quick to naysay its “succulenticity” but I’d dismiss their claims faster than a fart in the wind. In most cases, the naysaying is little more than uneducated claims based on a tainted perception rather than a first-hand experienced disdain. Sure, outside of Hawaii, a hurricane is the only appetizer that would precede a Spam entree, but shouldn’t discount its savoriness.

Canned meats are always there for you. These sodium-saturated snacks never go bad, which also means, these sodium-saturated snacks are always good.

How is that for some solid logic?

Unfortunately, in recent weeks, the unblemished record of deliciousness is being challenged by a German company trying to expand the canned meat market. Take it upon the country responsible for the Nazis to champion their next “great” invention, the Cheeseburger in der Dose (roughly translates to “Cheeseburger in a Can”).

I will admit that this critique is one on concept alone. I have not tried the “cheeseburger in der dose”, but gladly would. I’ve stated a number of times before that I am willing to put most anything in my mouth. This is not an exception.

I suppose I am not against the meat, so much as everything else: the special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun.

I cannot imagine how this would be good. This review seems to support my lack of imagination.

But really, the question is: why would someone do this?

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