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Misusing Big Words

Movies that Make You Dumber – #17 Freddy Got Fingered

Posted on December 29, 2007 By [email protected]


In the defense of “Freddy Got Fingered”, I didn’t watch the whole thing. I didn’twalk out, but about 15 minutes in, I simply gave up on life and zonked into a 90 minute coma awakening only after the closing credits had long since ended.

There have been other bad movies made (don’t see: “From Justin to Kelly”) and other really bad movies made (looking your way Whoopi Goldberg and “Theodore Rex”), but none that so egregiously attack the inner-neurons of the human brain with such vigor and disdain than “Freddy Got Fingered”.

Again, in the defense of “Freddy Got Fingered,” it came out just past the height of one-balled-guitar-toting Tom Green’s idolizationship from pubescent boys in 2001, and was probably seen as an excellent financial opportunity for MTV to make a little green. So, to the morally oblique, the movie had, at least on paper, a redeeming quality.

Unfortunately, any being capable of feeling isn’t subjected to those redeeming qualities, and is instead barraged with inane hijinks’s that teach you nothing. Having only made it to the point of Mr. Green twirling a baby, helicopter style, above his head by the umbilical cord, I might have missed out on something, but the way things were going I doubt it. At that point, I had also just experienced a horse receiving a hand job, so it is difficult to speculate things were on a track to get better.

There was nothing to be learned from this movie. Or maybe there was. Maybe we were supposed to learn that twirling babies isn’t as funny as it would seem… so maybe you should think twice before doing it. I am afraid if that was the lesson to be learned, as it is rather roundabout and between the lines (in which case…very English teacher of you, Tommy).

I would speculate that isn’t the case.

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