I read GQ and Details and Esquire, you know, for the articles. Without sounding too pretentious, I’ll admit, I read them to look interesting, intelligent and intellectual. I will be honest, though, and simple observation would confirm, I typically thumb-over the fashion articles.
I think I do this, not so much because I dislike the advice they are providing (heck, I should probably take a couple tips from them considering this), but something about following their advice and putting together their outfits and accessories makes me feel like a douche bag.
It might be the mind set from living in Hawaii, but male fashion just seems kind of ridiculous to me. Messenger bags, suspenders, berets… “You’ve got to be kidding me!” “Are you serious?” I hold back saying every time I witness such ridiculous offenses. I can think of no better way to describe the feelings I feel when I see these things then just a resounding “why?”
Perhaps the biggest offender of all this accessorization, the one that makes me cackle more than anything, the most ridiculous of the unnecessary gadgets, is the cellular phone bluetooth ear piece.
I hate those things. I mean, come on, how hard is it to hold your phone up to your ear. Do your hands not work? There’s such an arrogance behind those things, a “look-at-me-as-I-am-just-talking-to-myself-looking-like-I-am-crazy-but-oh-wait-let-me-turn-90-degrees-so-you-can-see-that-yep-yep-there-it-is-I-am-actually-talking-on-the-phone-bet-you-didn’t-see-that-coming-booyah-I-am-awesome!” kind of aura to them. If you are wearing a bluetooth ear piece, you are definitely “that guy”.
They are ridiculous.
(Now, here comes the twist ending)
They are also ridiculously awesome!
Recent extraordinary developments have led to an increased amount of telephone conversations in my life. $120 cell phone bill overage amounts of conversation. A few weeks of long conversations, sore ears and cramping arms led me to investigate potential phone alternatives. On the top of that short list of alternatives landed the bluetooth ear piece.
One $60 investment later, I found myself experimenting with my very own piece in the the privacy of my own room.
What a marvel!
Hands free communication, and an incredible comfort makes these phone conversations less phone and more conversation. What’s weird, and somewhat vindicating, is that everything I used to judge about bluetooth ear pieces is completely true. You are totally talking to yourself, but there is such a freedom to it. And you totally get these arrogant feelings of self-awesomeness as you converse with a freedom to roam and computer (that’s the verb for using the computer) or fold clothes or sort legal documents. And it is incredible.
Before the torches are brought to me, I should backtrack a little. Yes, the ear piece is awesome, and yes, I proudly support it amongst the dust particles and 500-thread count sheet sets of my room, but I am hesitant to ever take it into the public world. I don’t even want the condo-mates to know. (Though, they do, but, respectfully, don’t ask me about it).
I think this is because of all of the reasons I used to judge people who wear these things for. I still think those things are true, and despite knowing the benefits that this beautiful little invention offers, I still think people that sport them in public are asking to be qualified as major douche faces.
I am not ready to subject myself to such critiquing. Such GQ, Details and Esquire critiquing. Does this make me hypocritical? Absolutely. I don’t care.
There are certain things that are okay to like as long as you don’t admit to them, at least as guys. Romantic comedies, Kelly Clarkson songs, Project Runway, bikini briefs. Whatever. There is nothing wrong with enjoying these things in the comfort and privacy of your own company, as long as they stay there.
Cellular phone bluetooth ear pieces are no exception. So enjoy them away, but keep it your own little secret.
