This is the last installment in a three part series. To view the other segments, click here.
When last we left off, we were making papier mache dolls of cute little babies, then “accidentally” leaving them in the driveway and “accidentally” running them over when the neighbors happened to be watching. And we were doing all of those in an attempt to be friendly and playful but also strive to maintain some “edge,” some bad boy status that will help build the attraction and lure in readership.
Is it working? Well… are you reading this? The answer to both questions is the same.
STEP 3: Do something high profile, stupid and downright crazy.
Lucky for us, there are a lot of good role models in this area. Bill Clinton had his Monica, Pam Anderson had her Tommy, Marv Albert had his chewing toy. These are all people whose names we won’t soon forget because they followed the scandal steps to success. They might not have been lighting the world on fire, but they had enough exposure that they became overnight sensations (or more accurately, humiliations).
Obviously, I’m not advocating engaging in oval office extracurriculars, “behind the music” videos with a bad boy drummer, or biting back (so to speak). But the idea is solid: once people know you exist, engage in some outrageous behavior to stand out among the crowd.
We here at MisusingBigWords are at somewhat of a disadvantage in that area, though, since our site and some of what can be found therein is fairly ridiculous and outrageous already. Also, we’re on the internet, where people have come to expect ridiculous and outrageous content.
So here’s what I’m thinking, and hopefully it’s both high profile and stupid enough to get some attention to our little grassroots blog: We get a bunch of senior citizens, preferably some with little bladder control, and we dress them solely in white knee-high socks and white pointed hoods, paint all sorts of offensive symbols (pentagrams, anarchy, etc) on their chests with some sort of animal’s blood, then give them slingshots and tell them to run around shooting each other. Then we take pictures of it all, write a nice story about it, and post it on here like it’s a children’s fairy tale.
I’m fairly certain that would fulfill all the obligations of ridiculous, outrageous, high profile, stupid, and not just downright crazy but almost criminally insane, and thereby hopefully cause the scandal I’ve been talking about in my two previous “The Making of a Scandal” posts.
STEP 4: Profit.
I’ve provided the structure for driving visitors to the site, now it’s just a matter of making it pay off. But that’s a story for another day.